A few months ago, during a flight, I encountered a situation that vividly demonstrated the weight of carrying emotional baggage. As I boarded the plane, I discovered all the overhead bins near my seat were full, leaving me no choice but to stow my baggage in the bins towards the back. When we landed, I grew impatient waiting for everyone behind me to disembark so I could access my bag. At that moment, it struck me how my physical baggage was holding me back, symbolizing how our inner baggage keeps us stuck in life.
This experience left me contemplating my emotional baggage and its continued impact on my life and relationships. One central fear I have carried within is the belief that the more someone sees of me, the less they will love me. This fear intertwines with the fear of abandonment or rejection because the belief indicates when someone sees all of me, they will love me less and leave me. These fears present challenges in cultivating meaningful relationships, both romantic and otherwise. How can I truly be myself and let others into my life when I believe they won't accept me and will eventually leave? Over the years, I have delved into unpacking these fears, understanding where they came from, cultivating self-love, and tending to my inner child's needs. I have learned to cultivate deep and meaningful relationships, but unfortunately, these limiting fears still resurface, leading me to push away the people I love and close off from connection. Sometimes I notice it is happening in the moment, which gives me the power to name it and act differently, while other times I do not have this awareness until after the distancing and closing off has taken place.
All of our pain, traumas, suppressed emotions, and fears are the baggage we carry within, and unless we take the time to sort through them, they will weigh us down and negatively influence our relationships and perceptions of life. We will not see things as they are, rather we will filter our reality through the culmination of our hurts and pain from the past. It's natural to resist pain and go to great lengths to avoid it, but evading pain doesn't make it disappear; it persists until we gather the courage to confront it. This means exploring its origins and understanding how it affects us in the present.
Pain manifests in various forms and intensities, like breaking a bone versus cutting a finger—both cause physical pain, but the severity and healing process differ. Emotional scars follow a similar pattern. Whether it's the pain of broken promises, the end of a long-term relationship, or carrying childhood trauma into adulthood, each experience leaves a unique mark and stings in its own way. Time is our companion in the healing process, as is the courage to sit with and explore our pain. Healing involves opening Pandora's box of our past and present, which contains trauma, fears, pent-up emotions, guilt, shame, unworthiness, damaging thought patterns, and limiting beliefs. While others can offer encouragement and support on this journey, the choice to embark on it rests solely in our hands. The decision to heal and confront our baggage lies within us.
When we ignore our emotional baggage and bypass Pandora's box we deny ourselves transformation. On the contrary, when we summon the courage to peek inside, we initiate a process of cleansing and refinement despite our uncertainty and fear. This path requires unwavering presence and a willingness to show up for ourselves in our hurt. It's not a one-time endeavor but a consistent and patient journey toward inner healing and true transformation. Like marriage, where vows are not enough for a happily ever after and partners must consistently and patiently co-create a loving relationship throughout the years, here, too, we must consistently and patiently nurture that same relationship with ourselves as we learn and heal.
Choosing to confront our pain and trauma does not guarantee immunity from future triggers that reopen old wounds. However, it equips us with the self-awareness to recognize when we are being triggered and grants us access to the necessary tools for self-regulation. Instead of reacting out of hurt and being overwhelmed by our emotions, we gain greater awareness to choose how we respond. For me, this looks like acknowledging when I feel scared or insecure and, instead of pushing away the people I love, communicating my experience with them and allowing them to be with me in a vulnerable state. I wish I could say I have mastered this, but sometimes I still find myself pushing people away instead of initiating difficult conversations and being honest about my innermost feelings. However, therein lies the power to change the script and write a new story: What if I don't push this person away and instead let them in? What if I stop projecting my fears and insecurities on them and instead ask them what they are experiencing? What if I risk showing up and allow myself to be fully seen, even though I fear rejection?
In our fast-paced world, we are conditioned to want instant results. However, peering into our inner Pandora's box and sifting through our baggage takes time, and progress may not always feel apparent. Understanding why we are the way we are and learning how to show up for ourselves is delicate work. It is uncomfortable and exposing, but it allows for a deeper understanding of the self and how we relate to the world around us.
So, what baggage are you carrying that is holding you back in life? What old traumas, emotions, thinking patterns, or relationships impede your growth, preventing you from evolving into your higher self? It's time to confront them and learn the lessons only they can teach you.
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