Too often, our perceptions of people are clouded by the memories we have of them rather than embracing who they are in the present moment. What if we could grant ourselves and others the gift of truly seeing each other for who we are right now? What if we let go of the images we have painted in our minds of who they were a year ago, the pain they may have caused us in the past, or even the ways they may have annoyed us just last week? Imagine if we allowed today to be a clean slate, approaching each person and each moment with fresh eyes. This is a profound opportunity we can offer ourselves and extend to everyone around us—a gift of grace that can ignite transformative connections. We can allow others, and ourselves, to be new.
Sometimes it is hard for us to allow people to be new because we are holding on to the pain or anger they caused us. We cannot see beyond how they hurt us, so we can only perceive them through our hurt. They are not who they are today; instead, they are the culmination of ways they let us down and wronged us.
For a long time, I had this sentiment toward my mom. Our relationship was strained due to past conflicts and misunderstandings. She struggled with alcoholism and was in and out of treatment throughout my childhood and early adult years. She has been sober now for almost two years, which I am grateful for, but sobriety for her did not magically erase the memories and deeply-rooted emotions I carried within—nor did her sobriety make up for broken trust and lies. With time, I became aware of the ways I held onto her shortcomings and carried this feeling of silent resentment and disappointment toward her. Even though she was making an effort to show up for me now, I would hold onto how she failed to do so in the past. I could not see her as the person she had become in the present and the progress she had made to live sober because I was still carrying the weight of the past and "making her pay" for the past in the present. It took a conscious effort to break free from this pattern and allow her to be new. I had to be honest with myself about my pain and actively choose to work through it and let it go while embracing the possibility of a renewed connection and relationship with her.
It is hard for all of us to get real and raw about the pain we carry within and choose to find a way to transmute it. This process is not always easy or linear, but anchoring into forgiveness really can be the path to freedom. It doesn't mean forgetting or condoning the past, but instead acknowledging the possibility for change and growth in the present. When we forgive, we release ourselves from the burden of anger and resentment, creating space for healing and a chance to repair relationships. It is an active way for us to reclaim our power in our relationships.
Ultimately, it is our choice whether or not we want to lay down the past and live in the present with awareness. Choosing to let people be new is an act of compassion, not only for others, but also for ourselves. It allows for the possibility of reconciliation, personal growth, and the building of genuine connections. By embracing this mindset, we contribute to a more forgiving and understanding world where people are not defined by their past but by the endless potential of their present selves. And when I think of my mom now, there is nothing more I would want for her. Sure, she struggled with alcoholism nearly her whole life, and because of this, she may have failed to show up in the way I needed or desired. But today, I can rewrite this story into something new, and I do not need to remind her of how she let me down before. Instead, I can encourage her, remind her of how she has transformed, and help her see that she is much more than an alcoholic—I can give her the gift of being new.
And what about you? How can you see those around you as new instead of filtering them through the past?
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