When I was a little girl, I had these strange reoccurring nightmares of either 1) someone kidnapping me and I had to escape; or 2) I had to kill someone in order to live, or else they would kill me, and I would die. The latter is essentially the classic example of self-defense and survival, but it caused much inner strife for me. I would wake up from my dream feeling very sad that I had to kill someone else, but simultaneously, I wanted to keep living and save myself from being attacked. So, little me concluded I would hurt the person to protect myself and then try to talk to them about why they are being evil. I was technically breaking the “rules” of the dream, but I did not want to kill anyone and figured that through discussion, we could figure things out together.
Reflecting back on these dreams now makes me giggle. However, I still feel the exact sentiment of not wanting to kill someone, and I standby pursuing discussion to understand one another. In that same breath, I cannot help but wonder who I could have been if I had grown up in a completely different environment enlaced with other teachings… Would I still uphold this same view? What if, as a child, I learned that violence is how I get my basic needs met and protect myself? What if I was gravely abused, so I became just as violent myself to learn how to defend myself and protect my territory? What if I learned that there is some God or higher heaven I can achieve by murdering other people? And if I grew up in an environment as such, is there anything that would help me view life differently and change my perception? If so, what is it?
I would like to clarify that these reflecting questions do not excuse the atrocities we commit as humans and that I am reflecting on how we become who we become. Understanding the dark manifestations of the human spirit and how they are cultivated does not negate the importance of personal responsibility and free will. As I continue writing, the point is to ponder our collective existence and our tendency to separate ourselves from one another. After all, it is effortless to look from the outside, arriving at the simplistic conclusion of “I could never do such a thing” (I could never be racist… I could never be an extremist… I would never support Putin if I was Russian… I could never be a gang member and they should all be murdered, etc.) But how can you know for sure if you were dealt the same hand in life, you would have turned out differently? And how can you be sure you would not have fallen prey to invasive ideologies and belief systems (especially when the information you consume is curated and intended to make you think and believe in a certain way)?
It is easy to state that we do not understand how someone lives the way they do or why they believe the things they believe. But have we actually tried to understand them—to speak with them and know them? Instead of comprehending how someone got to where they are today, saying the things they are saying and doing the things they are doing, we settle for separation and misunderstanding—we assume we know more about their lives than we actually do. We do not allow ourselves to understand how they ended up where they are or why they think the way they do; we just fume with disgust at who they have become (and the last thing we want to discover is that we just might share commonalities with them). Evermore, with cancel culture, we have eliminated the opportunity for connection and the chance for mercy to manifest—how can we discover our shared humanity with someone when all we would like to do is highlight and condemn how they live and think? Can we be so confident that we would not have become the accumulation of everything we despise or hate today in a different lifetime?
Humanity is thirsty for mercy and unity. To begin, we must break our inclination to judge and separate ourselves from our neighbors and the unfortunate, painful, and violent situations occurring around the world. We need to foster a willingness to understand one another and commit ourselves to embracing uncomfortable conversations without faltering respect. Curiosity, and the desire to explore the complexities of the human experience, will always be our best defense against destructive ideologies and engaging in activities that cause significant harm to our neighbors (after all, when we hurt our neighbors, we are most certainly damaging ourselves, too). We ought to see if we can discover ourselves in the people we are quick to judge and dismiss, in the people who appear to belong to a different political party or religion—and in the people we are eager to “cancel,” as we instate our moral superiority and prove how right we are. This means embodying mercy and living with humility. What if we can learn something from them, and they can learn something from us? What if building a relationship with them is the way forward?
Our shared humanity is the guiding light that saves us from our own darkness—from our ability to cause harm and inflict suffering on our neighbors. We need to extend a hand and begin a conversation. The last thing we need to do is kill each other. What good does that do anyone?
May curiosity guide us Home.
Comments