Do you love the sensation that comes with being right about something or proving a point? I used to thrive on this feeling; indeed, it is hard to let go of, especially when the ego feels so justified in being right—even when that means belittling someone else. However, as I started waking up to the shallowness of my character, I began to battle with my ego instead of the people around me. I began to see how being too engrossed in one’s beliefs (and ego) is the ripe ground for developing an “us vs. them” mentality, which is a zero-sum game. If someone does not align with us in the way we anticipated, they become the devilish other, and from then on, everything reduces to a battle of the ego, ideology, and who is standing on the moral high ground. To be clear, it is entirely OK to have our own beliefs and worldview, but in tandem, we must find it within us to respect people who hold views starkly different from our own.
So, how can we engage respectfully with people who view the world differently and foster mutual understanding? How much more meaningful could our world be if we all truly committed ourselves to collaboration—instead of being right or proving the other side wrong?… Can we find a better way to maneuver our differences?
Learning how to move beyond duality and transcend choosing sides is a good start, and being curious allows us to do just that. Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines curious as being "marked by desire to investigate and learn." I would extend upon this and add that to embody curiosity, we must remain open-minded and let go of our expectations regarding what we might discover. Without this openness, we are not truly curious; instead, we are merely seeking confirmation bias in relation to everything we already believe. With this in mind, we can develop intra- and inter-curiosity in our lives. These different layers of curiosity encourage us to engage thoughtfully when disagreements arise and evoke emotional responses.
Intra-curiosity is curiosity within oneself: Why are we the way we are? Why do certain things emotionally trigger us? And why do we view the world the way we do?
Beginning with intra-curiosity enables us to cultivate a basic level of self-awareness and emotional intelligence. It brings us back home to ourselves as we observe and understand who we are in new ways. In this space, we discover that it is not everyone else's responsibility to go and change; instead, it is our responsibility to understand our reactions to other people and create transformation from there. At the end of the day, how we react to or treat people who view the world differently is much more about us than it is about them (even when they say things that seem to justify our poor treatment of them).
In contrast, inter-curiosity is curiosity about other people: Why do they view the world the way they do? What do they think about everything under the sun? And what things evoke emotional responses in them?
Integrating these different levels of curiosity helps us consciously navigate our differences. For example, when someone else says something that evokes an internal emotional response, instead of reacting or immediately cutting off the conversation, we can choose to sit with this emotion and be curious about why we feel the way we do. This reflective process allows us to pause our habitual reactions and choose how to engage with whomever we are talking with. After all, the problem is not that we disagree but that we allow our disagreement to overpower curiosity and human connection. Instead of trying to understand the other person, we become defensive and reactive.
After bringing awareness to our initial reactions, we employ curiosity to continue the conversation with this person or group. This is the best time to ask thoughtful questions to bridge misunderstandings and invite them to continue sharing their perspectives. We allow our gut reactions to dissolve in the present moment and actively listen to what this person or group has to share.
Every time we approach differing beliefs with curiosity, we increase our chances of understanding the “other” and creating a meaningful existence together. Beginning to understand why others view the world in the unique way they do helps us step into their shoes. This does not mean we have to affirm or agree with their stories about reality; however, we can use them to discover their underlying interests and beliefs about how the world works.
After all, how well can we understand different concepts and people if we cut off the conversation? Sadly, it has become too easy to label someone according to whichever group it appears they belong to and then discredit anything they have to say or contribute solely based on the fact that they belong to “x” group. In doing so, we dehumanize, attack, and frequently harbor hate towards the very people we need to collaborate with. Instead of viewing the people around us through our perceived labels and differences, can curiosity guide us back to one another? Can we uncover the humanity that unites us and rediscover our similarities?
Disagreement and differences are guaranteed for a lifetime, and learning how to dance with them is our gateway to unity. To render the humanity that unites us all, the essential ingredient is curiosity. If each of us cultivated the practice of stopping and thinking, Maybe I can try to perceive this person/discussion/moment differently, what do you think could happen? I believe we would be on track to paving a better tomorrow—a tomorrow with less division, more mutual understanding, and respect. We can become a people focused on solutions that improve the lives of everyone—and we can do it with empathy and love, together. However, we seem to be far from there, as we trudge around with closed minds and closed hearts, unwilling to perceive the world in a new way. After all, how do you know you are right about everything you choose to believe?
I encourage and challenge you to give curiosity a chance—after all, this is the “homework” for us all. Along the way, we will bridge gaps of misunderstanding and foster a global community dedicated to mutual respect and collaboration. And maybe, if we are lucky, we will all learn something new.
❤
May curiosity guide us Home.
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