If we could honor sadness a little more, maybe we could see it—rather than enforced smiles and righteous outrage—as the bridge we need to connect with each other. We could remember that no matter how distasteful we might find someone's opinions, no matter how radiant, or fierce, someone may appear, they have suffered, or they will. —Susan Cain from Bittersweet: How Suffering and Longing Make Us Whole
When I first read these words in Cain's book, it transported me back to February 2020. It was a lovely day at the beach in Mexico, and I was enjoying one of my last days there before heading home. Unfortunately, my dad contacted me to inform me my grandfather had passed away. As I crumbled into tears, a stranger hugged me and comforted me. I was far from home, yet somehow closer than I had ever been before, in the arms of a stranger experiencing one of the most painful things we face as humans.
Later that same day, when I reflected on this experience, it echoed to me the meaning of life. This person chose grace, empathy, and love, although they had no idea who I was. At that moment, it did not matter where we came from, what shade our skin was painted, our sexuality, how much money we made, or our differing political and spiritual views. Anything that could separate us in that moment disappeared, and our shared humanity held us together while I grieved; my sadness and heartbreak were our bridge to connection.
There are times in life when all we can do is surrender to what is, whether a loved one passes away, a family member relapses after years of sobriety, or we discover a close friend is in critical condition after a life-threatening accident. In such situations, we are stripped of our power and left with nothing but prayers, hope, and longing as we await our desired outcome. When it is a matter of life or death, our instinctual desire is to fight for life, healing, and the miracles we hope for. However, our souls also tremble and ache because we know the reality of death. In these moments of helplessness and agony, we struggle to breathe deeply, settling for any bit of oxygen that our lungs can grasp.
It is this suffering and sadness that strips us of all our differences. And it is this pain that serves as a catalyst, compelling us to embrace our neighbors with heartfelt hugs and share warm smiles with strangers. We do so because we understand that someday, the same suffering we intimately know will touch them, too—no one remains free from the trials of existence.
Connecting with sadness and suffering allows us to see beyond the surface-level differences that separate us from "them." Witnessing the vulnerability and rawness of someone else's pain opens the door to empathy and compassion. Whether someone identifies as Republican, Democrat, atheist, Catholic, etc., or holds seemingly absurd opinions and philosophies, our shared pain enables us to meet them where they are. We become less concerned with the differences dividing us and more attuned to the human essence we all share. Suddenly, labels and stereotypes lose their power, and we begin to see the complexity and depth of each individual's experience.
This shared experience of suffering becomes the bridge that connects us. As we reflect on the impermanence of our lives, it becomes clear that a common thread of vulnerability and transience binds us. By acknowledging and accepting this truth, we can foster deeper connections and cultivate a sense of unity. By embracing sadness and recognizing the universality of suffering, we have the potential to walk each other Home in love, just like the stranger in Mexico did for me.
After all, what is the alternative?
When faced with the certainty of suffering in life, we have the power to minimize additional pain for ourselves and others. Through self-awareness, empathy, forgiveness, and gratitude, we can choose paths that promote healing, understanding, and compassion. By doing so, we contribute to a more supportive and empathetic world. Perhaps, then, we will be better situated to cultivate positive relationships and remain solution-oriented in the face of our collective challenges.
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